Use These Self-Compassion Exercises to Prioritise Yourself Without Guilt

Introduction

Imagine this scenario: it's Friday night, and you've been eagerly anticipating some much-needed alone time all week. You're all set to relax with a good book or your favourite TV show when a friend calls, asking for your help with a task. That familiar pang of guilt sets in. Saying no feels impossible, but saying yes means sacrificing your evening of relaxation. Sound familiar? If you're a neurodivergent woman, this might resonate with you. We've all been there.

As neurodivergent women, many of us struggle to prioritise our needs without feeling guilty. We fear disappointing others or being seen as selfish. I have been in this exact situation. I was constantly putting others first, and it led to constant burnout and resentment. This is where self-compassion steps in. By practising self-compassion, we can care for ourselves without guilt, leading to a healthier and happier life. Embracing self-compassion has been a game-changer for me, boosting my self-worth after years of feeling like I was the problem.

In this blog, I'll delve into the concept of self-compassion, its importance, and how to practice it. I'll also provide practical exercises to help you prioritise yourself with kindness and understanding. Let's get started!

Section 1: Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion, a concept developed by psychologist Kristin Neff, is about treating yourself with the same kindness and care you'd offer a good friend. It has three core components:

1. Self-Kindness: Being gentle and understanding with yourself rather than harshly critical.

2. Common Humanity: Recognising that everyone makes mistakes and experiences difficulties and that you are not alone in your struggles.

3. Mindfulness: Being aware of your feelings and experiences in the present moment without judgment.

Embracing self-compassion can bring numerous benefits. It's not just about feeling better in the moment; it also increases resilience, reduces stress, and improves overall wellbeing. Despite these benefits, many people misunderstand self-compassion, believing it to be selfish or indulgent, and personally, it was hard for me to make time for myself without feeling guilty and selfish when I first started practising self-compassion! In reality, self-compassion is about acknowledging your own needs and treating yourself with the same respect and care you offer others. And we all deserve to be treated that way. So, by embracing self-compassion, you're not just prioritising yourself, but you're also investing in a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life. It's a journey worth taking, and it's one that can bring you hope and a sense of empowerment.

Section 2: The Importance of Prioritising Yourself

Self-care, which refers to the intentional actions we take to care for our physical, mental, and emotional health, isn't just a luxury; it's essential for our wellbeing. When you prioritise yourself, you recharge your energy and enhance your ability to care for others.

As neurodivergent women, we're acutely aware of how much energy the simple things in our daily lives can often take from us. Prioritising self-care helps prevent burnout, a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It ensures you have the energy you need to meet the daily demands that are important to you. It also promotes healthier relationships. By setting boundaries, you teach others to respect your needs, leading to more balanced and fulfilling connections.

Section 3: Self-Compassion Exercises to Reduce Guilt and Facilitate Self-Care

Now, let's dive into some practical exercises to help you cultivate self-compassion and prioritise yourself without guilt. These exercises are simple yet powerful and can be easily incorporated into your daily routine. You might be surprised at how capable you are of implementing these strategies. You've got this.

Exercise 1: Self-Compassionate Letter

This exercise involves writing a letter to yourself from the perspective of a compassionate friend.

• Steps:

1. Start by addressing your current struggles.

2. Express understanding and kindness, just as a friend would.

3. Offer support and encouragement.

• Example:

"Dear [Your Name],

I know you're going through a tough time right now. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. Remember, you don't have to be perfect. You're doing your best, and that's enough. Take a break and be kind to yourself. You've got this."

Exercise 2: Mindful Self-Compassion Break

A mindful self-compassion break helps you pause and care for yourself during stressful moments.

• Steps:

1. Pause and take a few deep breaths.

2. Acknowledge the difficulty of the moment.

3. Offer kind words to yourself, such as, "This is hard right now, but I can handle it."

• Example:

Imagine you're overwhelmed at work. Pause, breathe deeply, and say to yourself, "It's okay to feel this way. I'm doing my best, and that's enough."

Exercise 3: Self-Compassion Journal

Keeping a self-compassion journal can help you track your thoughts and feelings, promoting self-awareness and kindness.

• Steps:

1. Write about your day and how you took care of yourself.

2. Reflect on how you can be kinder to yourself.

• Example Prompts:

• "What did I do today to take care of myself?"

• "How can I be kinder to myself in this situation?"

Exercise 4: Loving-Kindness Meditation

Loving-kindness meditation cultivates compassion towards yourself and others.

• Steps:

1. Find a quiet place and focus on your breath.

2. Silently repeat phrases like, "May I be happy, may I be healthy."

• Example:

Spend a few minutes each day repeating these phrases, allowing feelings of compassion to wash over you.

Exercise 5: Setting Boundaries with Compassion

Setting boundaries is an essential act of self-compassion.

• Steps:

1. Be clear and assertive in your communication.

2. Use kind language.

• Example:

If asked to take on an extra task at work, you might say, "I appreciate you thinking of me, but I need to focus on my current responsibilities to do my best work." Other examples of setting boundaries include saying no to social events when you need rest or asking for help when you're feeling overwhelmed.

Section 4: Overcoming Guilt and Embracing Self-Compassion

Understanding your guilt triggers can help you manage them effectively. Common triggers include fear of disappointing others, feeling selfish, or simply the patriarchial conditioning that a woman’s function is to be of service that we internalise. Years of trying to fit in as neurodivergent women can reinforce this condition even further.

Reframing Thoughts:

Challenge negative thoughts by reminding yourself that your needs are essential. For instance, instead of thinking, "I'm being selfish," reframe it as "Taking care of myself allows me to be there for others."

Affirmations for Self-Compassion:

• "I deserve to take care of myself."

• "My needs are important."

• "Taking time for myself is not selfish."

Research shows that self-compassion is especially beneficial for neurodivergent individuals. According to a study published in the Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, self-compassion practices can significantly reduce anxiety and depression in autistic adults. Another study highlighted in the journal Mindfulness found that self-compassion enhances emotional regulation and resilience in neurodivergent individuals, promoting better mental health and wellbeing. These findings underscore the importance of incorporating self-compassion into daily routines to support emotional health and resilience, particularly for those who are neurodivergent.

Conclusion

Self-compassion is a powerful tool for prioritising yourself without guilt. By incorporating exercises like writing a self-compassionate letter, taking mindful breaks, journaling, meditating, and setting boundaries, you can nurture self-care and wellbeing.

Start small and gradually integrate these practices into your daily routine. Remember, it's okay to prioritise yourself. Your wellbeing is important, and by taking care of yourself, you can be more present and supportive for others. Over time, practising self-compassion can become an instinctual habit that protects you, empowers you and benefits everyone else you interact with in your life.

I'd love to hear about your experiences with these exercises or any additional tips you have. Share in the comments below and don't forget to subscribe to Serenity Seekers. Join our community of neurodivergent women embracing positive psychology, self-care, and empowerment for more tips and exercises on nurturing self-compassion and prioritising your wellbeing

Additional Resources

Books:

• Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself by Dr. Kristin Neff

• The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion by Dr. Christopher Germer

• Radical Acceptance: Awakening The Love that Heals Fear and Shame by Tara Brach

Websites/Blogs:

• Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff

• The Mindful Self-Compassion Program