What Is It Like To Work With Me?
Read on for some client stories
Overwhelmed, Anxious and Humiliated
*Names and identifying details have been changed to protect anonymity.
Rigid behaviour patterns can develop as a way to make a person feel more secure and in control when they are struggling to meet their basic needs, such as feeling safe, secure and in control, and Rose was a client who was struggling with this.
Rose was unhappy at work, in her relationship with her mother and with her feelings about food. She felt a lack of control and autonomy in her life. She wanted to feel optimistic, free and confident and craved a life with more freedom.
During the course of our sessions, Rose began to take time for herself and do activities that made her feel good. She started to set healthy boundaries with the people in her life, so she no longer put other people’s needs over her own. She practised recognising and naming her emotions, enabling her to build awareness of how her daily actions were affecting her mood.
Rose put in place practices such as gratitude journaling, increasing self-compassion and exploring her self-image mindset. Over time she learned how to manage her critical inner voice (self-talk), and her previously noisy mind became quieter.
Through our sessions together, Rose managed to make changes that increased her autonomy and allowed her to voice her needs in all areas of her life. She also successfully made massive changes related to her challenges with work and her mother, including gaining a pay rise and making huge inroads into an improved relationship with confidence and boundaries.
In our final session together, Rose confirmed her anxiety had decreased, and she felt much happier in all areas of her life. She felt confident she would cope with days when things didn't go to plan by using the new tools at her disposal that she had learned.
A Conversation Can Lead To A Breakthrough
Clients are sometimes undergoing an experience where there may not be signs of change as quickly as they expect, and at these points, I remind them that breakthroughs may be happening that aren't initially obvious to them. Often these clients will go on to flourish in ways that could not be envisaged during our sessions, and without entering into coaching, these breakthroughs would not have taken place.
This is something that happened with April.
April was feeling stressed and unfulfilled but unable to express the specific issues in her life that she wanted to change. It was difficult for April to express her desired outcome of coaching; she just knew she wanted things to change.
In working with April, it became clear that she felt inadequate and was prioritising other people's needs over her own. An overactive inner critic (self-talk) was contributing to April’s feelings of inadequacy and not feeling good enough. She was always highly self-critical when she talked about her feelings or needs,
April started to practice mindfulness and self-compassion and learned to recognise when her inner critic was in charge. Using exercises with elements of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), April learned self-compassion thoughts and behaviours and how to reframe critical self-talk.
April had a strained relationship with her mother. I introduced concepts of intergenerational sexism and how in patriarchal societies, women are typically expected to be of service, and her breakthrough took place.
April realised she had never received encouragement from her parents and was judged for not putting her mother's needs above her own. This discovery made her more aware of what changes she wanted to make in her life.
In our final session, April still felt dismissive of herself at times, especially in comparison to other people going through situations that she felt were worse than hers. However, she was learning to accept that her feelings are valid and how to use mindfulness and journaling practices to help her speak kindly to herself in a way she had never experienced before.
“You are the hero of your own story”
Joseph Campbell