Unveiling the Hidden Fears Holding Women Back in Life and Career
I recently signed up as a volunteer for Action for Happiness.
I previously applied for and was accepted for it in the first year of my MSc Applied Positive Psychology degree.
But I didn’t go ahead with it back then.
I didn’t believe I had the skills to do it, even though, along with my work experience, I had previously been a Listening Volunteer for the Samaritans while pursuing my psychology undergraduate degree.
I definitely had all the required skills to join Action for Happiness.
The fact that I’m now ready to go ahead with Action for Happiness volunteering has got me thinking about why women often hold themselves back in their lives and careers.
Of course, there’s the big answer - women are socialised to keep themselves small in a patriarchal world, and indeed, my generation was brought up to want nothing else than being a housewife.
In my parents’ generation, careers were seen solely for men, and women were ready and waiting at the door to be of service when men got home from work.
If a woman worked, it was in a low-paid part-time job that took no time away from being available for her husband.
This was the fallout of our patriarchal society’s attempt they'd grown up in that put women back in their place after working to keep the country going during WWII whilst the men were away fighting.
Through intergenerational sexism, this mentality was socialised forward to the girls of my generation.
Some girls managed to escape this, and a small percentage of those at my school went on to university and a career for themselves and chose not to fit around a man.
Most of us weren’t so lucky.
Fast-forward to today and the number of women finding their way in the working world has risen substantially (I’ll leave my thoughts on the fact that this often falls apart when they have children for another day), but too many of us still hold ourselves back.
There are other reasons women hold themselves back, most of which are due to fear.
I don’t just mean the fear that arises from imposter syndrome, but the fear they unknowingly had in their childhood that kept them safe at home.
This can look like:
Fear of saying what they think
Fear of making decisions
Fear of being visible
Fear of getting it wrong
The driving feeling behind these fears is that they will be ‘told off’.
The scary thing is that many women who have gone through childhoods with tyrant, emotionally immature parents often don’t even realise they have these fears, particularly the massive fear of being 'told off'.
Many people who grew up this way simply think their childhood homes were normal because they don’t know any different.
And so instead, they feed into the ‘if you wanted it enough, you’d do it’ brigade, creating unnecessary shame and holding themselves back even more, let alone stopping to consider whether they are neurodivergent in any way, for example, wanting to do something and being completely unable to move forward with it is a symptom of ADHD.
Do you have any of these fears, and are they holding you back?
Have you ever stopped to question where you hold yourself back and whether there are any hidden fears behind it? Fear can be crippling to our lives and show up as stress, anxiety and exhaustion.
Taking time to uncover the thought patterns behind fear can help to break it down. Below are some journal prompts that can help. Approach these prompts with a sense of curiosity and kindness toward yourself.
Self-reflection can be a powerful tool for personal growth and overcoming hidden barriers. And you all know I love a bit of self-reflection!
And remember to give yourselves massive amounts of self-compassion whilst doing them!
Reflect on Your Past: Recall a specific instance where you felt held back or hesitated to pursue something. What were the underlying fears or doubts that influenced your decision at that time?
Socialisation and Expectations: How have societal expectations, especially those related to gender roles, influenced your perception of your capabilities and aspirations? Are there beliefs ingrained from past generations that still affect you today?
Imposter Syndrome Exploration: Delve into moments where you’ve experienced imposter syndrome. What specific fears or self-doubts surfaced, and how did they impact your actions or decisions?
Visibility and Voice: Explore your comfort level with being visible and expressing your thoughts. Are there specific situations where you’ve held back? What fears or anxieties surround the idea of being seen and heard?
Decision-Making Journey: Reflect on a significant decision you’ve made recently. Did any fears or uncertainties play a role in the process? How did you navigate through them, and what did you learn about yourself?
Childhood Influences: Consider your childhood environment. Were there instances where fear of reprimand or criticism shaped your behaviour? How might these early experiences still affect your actions today?
Unmasking Hidden Fears: Take a moment to identify any hidden fears that might be holding you back. Are there recurring patterns in your thoughts or behaviours that trace back to unacknowledged fears from your past?
Self-Compassion Check: Evaluate your self-compassion during challenging times. How do you typically treat yourself when faced with setbacks or moments of self-doubt? Are there ways you can enhance self-compassion in these situations?
