From Self-Doubt to Self-Love: Building Confidence As A Woman
I have amazing cheekbones. It's true I do.
They are always there, quietly popping out of my face. I first became aware of them when a younger girl commented on their amazingness when I was 16.
Every now and then, I forget about my cheekbones until they flash me a look in the mirror and say, "Remember us?"
This happened this morning as I was washing my face, and I found myself thinking, "Look at those cheekbones. I could have been discovered as a model; I've got amazing bone structure."
Then, of course, I laughed at my audacity and reminded myself that I was far too scared, anxious and self-conscious to have been 'discovered' in young adulthood.
Back then, I walked around trying to hide myself from others. I didn't have a clue what was 'wrong with me', and I hated that I wasn't confident like other girls.
All I wanted was to be confident and self-assured. I wanted it so badly that I tricked myself for years into believing that I was confident and self-assured, only feeling the unworthiness I felt when I was alone.
Even now, if I were discovered, I think I would struggle to be the confident person I desire to be. I have flashes of confidence now and then, some periods lasting a few weeks, but then my default little girl inside rises up and says, "Don't forget about me," and suddenly, I'm back to feeling unsure and doubting everything.
Challenging Societal Norms: Breaking Free from Self-Doubt
Many women struggle with a lack of confidence, often stemming from societal pressures and ingrained gender norms. It's no secret that women have more self-doubt than men. It's something we're conditioned to have by a patriarchal world in order to keep ourselves small and let men have the glory. From a young age, girls are frequently conditioned to be modest, keep themselves small, defer to others, and prioritise pleasing people over their own needs. This leads to an internalised sense of unworthiness and hesitancy to fully embrace our strengths.
Guilt is another one of those pesky things conditioned into women. I often feel guilty about putting myself first, guilty about being 'big' and guilty that I'm not being a 'good girl'. Thankfully, I quickly squash those thoughts these days. However, it still horrifies me that girls are conditioned to stay small and doubt every single aspect of themselves.
Overcoming these deeply rooted beliefs is an ongoing journey. It requires unlearning years of harmful messaging and consciously rejecting narratives that tell women to make themselves small or doubt their capabilities. Building authentic confidence means giving yourself permission to take up space, have a voice, and unapologetically pursue goals without seeking constant validation.
Ultimately, confidence blooms when women shed the burdens of guilt, perfectionism, and the pressure to conform to narrow ideals. Embracing our whole, imperfect self is an act of courage that breeds deep reserves of resilience and inner strength.
Cultivating Confidence: Steps Towards Self-Assurance
Seeing more dialogues emerging around cultivating confidence in young girls is empowering. Initiatives that teach self-love, assertiveness, and the importance of trusting one's instincts can help counteract negative conditioning. One of my favourite things to see on social media are the kinds of videos where a mother is teaching their child positive affirmations in the mirror or an aunt is playing clap with their teenage niece and teaching them that they don't have to be polite to creepy men. That gives me a glimmer of hope that things can change for women.
Looking in the mirror this morning was the first time I ever truly believed what I was saying to myself, just for a second. That gives me hope that, finally, my confidence is starting to be real, and I might, just might, be able to stop faking it sometime soon.
So, how can we cultivate greater confidence, resilience, and self-assurance in our lives? Read on for some ideas:
Acknowledge Your Strengths: Take a moment to recognise and appreciate your unique qualities, just like me with my amazing cheekbones. Celebrating your strengths can boost your self-esteem and remind you of your inherent worth.
Challenge Societal Norms: Acknowledge the societal pressures and gender norms that contribute to feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness. By recognising these influences, you can begin to challenge and dismantle them.
Permission to Take Up Space: Give yourself permission to take up space, both physically and emotionally. You are deserving of attention, respect, and recognition, just like anyone else.
Reject Perfectionism: Let go of the need to be perfect and embrace your imperfections. Embracing your whole, authentic self is an act of courage that can lead to greater resilience and inner strength.
Unlearn Harmful Messaging: Consciously reject narratives that tell women to make themselves small or doubt their capabilities. Challenge negative conditioning and replace it with empowering beliefs and attitudes.
Cultivate Authentic Confidence: Cultivate authentic confidence by trusting your instincts, pursuing your goals unapologetically, and embracing your true self. Confidence comes from within and is rooted in self-acceptance and self-belief.
Empower Future Generations: Support initiatives that promote confidence and self-love in young girls. Encourage positive dialogues and role models that empower girls to confidently embrace their strengths and assert themselves.
Believe in Your Potential: Believe in your potential for growth and self-improvement. Even small moments of self-belief can pave the way for greater confidence and authenticity in the future.
Hope for Change: Hold onto hope for a future where women can confidently embrace their true selves without fear or hesitation. Positive changes are possible through awareness, dialogue, and collective action.
Reflect on Personal Growth: Reflect on your journey towards confidence and self-assurance. Recognise the progress you've made and the challenges you've overcome along the way.
And remember to practise self-compassion throughout it all. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. You are just as worthy as everyone else.
